color harmonies project
complementary colors - orange and blue
triadic colors - red, yellow, and blue
monochromatic colors - blue and light blue
analogous colors - green and green blue
cool colors -  violet, blue, and green
split complementary colors - purple, yellow-green, and red-orange

happiness.

actually written 4/13/10

I am strong enough to let go of things. It's a skill a lot like patience,
hard to receive but helpful in the end. I have so many things I wish I
could forget. I have the memories of many broken promises. But I hate
carrying the weight. It does me no good nor will it change what happened.
I want to be happy but it is so outside of my comfort zone. I am a goldfish.
I can "forget" what's happened but the twinge of pain will always be there.
I've lost so many friends over the years. Why? Was it really me or just fate?
All I know is I don't want to be that girl anymore. I want to be:
loved
appreciated
wanted
respected
I, as every other person, have so much potential. I feel being happy will
open up more possibilities. I've seen it happen before. I can't be left out
of everything. I won't be. I won't be that girl anymore. I'm strong. I'm me.

That will never change. Maybe it doesn't need to. I just need to accept it.

From death comes life. 

Denial is such an easy place to be in.

Sometimes I never want to leave.

escribir.

Nicole bought me journals from Liberty of London and some pens! We go to Target
just to see if there are any cute journals. Surprise, surprise, for once, there were many to choose from. But these were adorable, cute, and on sale. I don't know. I'll have to get over this addiction someday, but not right now :)

I am just really thankful for all that I have. I went to China last Summer and saw poverty in a different light. It's not as if it isn't present in NC, I just never really saw it. But in China I had people begging me for money, for food, and it made me so sad they had to live like that. I saw a blind man that would sing while his wife played a traditional Chinese instrument, and it made so sad. I'm just. I'm grateful. I realize that. I really do. I have a roof over my head, I can speak, I can read, I eat fresh food, I am so, so lucky. I'm so grateful for everything in my life.

 I. Love. My. Life.
Please love yours.

let go.

I know a man that can be angry one day, go to bed,
and wake up the next day rejuvenated, with a clean slate, forgetting what happened the day before. I think it is so remarkable to have the ability to let go like that. It's just one of the many things I'm hoping to learn. It will be okay. I tell myself that everyday, it's just now that I'm starting to believe it. 

My room is white with one yellow stripe.
I roll up my blinds during the day so my plants won't die.
My vanity is littered with perfume, hair products, in jewelry.
It's me. All me. 

One day I'm going to date a guy,
and I will not hear your voice in the back of my head. 

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." 

— Dr. Seuss

If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” 

— Frances Hodgson Burnett (The Secret Garden)

“Sleep is like the grave, worm-eaten with dreams.”
-Sylvia Plath 

"Quiero hacer contigo lo que la
primavera hace con los cerezos"
 - Pablo Neruda

"I believe in you and me
I'm coming to find you
If it takes me all night
Wrong until you make it right
And I won't forget you
At least I'll try
and run, and run tonight
Everything will be alright."

Marc Johns is my favorite.

es possible.

I want to learn the guitar,
and get my cat to critique my songs.
I want pictures all over my walls,
completely covered up.

these people make me happy;

My friends are beautiful, amazing people. 

Wouldn't it be lovely?

We spend our lives trying to be comfortable fitting in a box too small for our hearts.
We grow up so warm and lovely, but the world teaches us life is the opposite.
We just sit there, looking at the pool of warm water.
We sit there, too afraid to touch, that if we do, we'll drown ourselves in something we could like too much.

I just want to kick my feet in the water and know I'll be fine.

Right. I use to measure my success as a person through the approval of others. I wasn't well liked when I was younger. I was just, always the weird one I guess. Even though I fought so hard for approval, for friends, for a place, it seemed I wasn't meant it for it. My success was how long I could keep a friend, which up until this year, wasn't very long.

I'm not a perfect person. Sometimes its hard for me to accept that not everyone will like me. It scares me. It makes me want to push people away. So I do. I push them into the farthest corner, where they can't touch me. I figure if I can't see them, they can't see right through me. It's not true.

I am lucky. I have these awesome friends. I have these girls in my life that I've said so many hurtful things, but they still take me back. They smile and tell me it's okay, and even if it's not, it will be someday. A promise I can hold onto. I do. Tightly. Now that I have them back, I don't want to let go. I don't want to burn the bridge when it's taken so long to build it again.

Success. I am successful student. I make good grades. I pass tests. My teachers like me. Success. I am not liked by all my peers. I am only human. I am not perfect. Success. I can speak my mind. I am not afraid to be wrong.

I feel good. Alive. Whole. I'm happy. Happiness is not fleeting. We just scare it away sometimes. I am happy. I am positive. Perfect, no. But happy. Successful. I am who I am because I want to be. It's not because I want to be different.


Success.
It's not whether you make good grades or have a lot of friends, it's being who you are because you are proud of who you were, who you are, and who you are going to become.

potential.

I told my sister I wasn't going to do anything outrageous out of the knowledge that I had potential.
Look at me.
I take hard classes, I pass them. I meet people, I (usually) like them. I see hurt people, I (usually) try to help. I'm a saint and a sinner.
One night is not worth repurcussions for years to come. I'm better than that. I'm worth more than that.
Am I perfect? Hardly. Flawed is a huge understatement.
But I try everyday. I try to make amends everyday. I try to see the good in every day.
Each day has potential. Sometimes I close my eyes to it.
Sometimes I soak it in like a dog resting in the sun.
I just give in.
I have it here. Inside. It's everywhere.
It's in the air, the sun, the buildings, the concrete, the dry grass, everything.
Sometimes I just need to open my eyes.